As soon as the knock on the door came, I knew who it was. Jack and I were sitting in the kitchen. I was chopping up an onion. I knew our homeless friend, Eddie had come to visit. He had a habit of coming by on Sunday afternoons, because his usual roost, the library, was closed. We had not seen him for over a month and were hoping had entered a 3-month residential rehab program for drug and alcohol addiction. Apparently he had not since he was at our door.
As usual, Eddie looked disgruntled and tired. His eyes said, “I hate that I have to show up on your door like this, but here I am.” We welcomed him with gladness, and the next minute he was sitting at our kitchen table. As I continued chopping onions and peppers, Eddie spoke a tragic and tender monologue to which Jack and I listened with heavy hearts. I’ve paraphrased part of his story. Be warned! There are a lot of cuss words coming up! The streets have their own language, which I’ve tried to leave intact. Why? Because when we befriend sinners, as Jesus did, sin comes close to us. It repulses us, makes us uncomfortable, and tempts us to try “cleaning people up” by ourselves. Instead we must introduce them to the risen Jesus so that he can do the job the right way. Here is what Eddie told us:
”Three years ago I lost everything. Man, if you could’ve seen me. I had a job working for the post office. I was making 50,000 dollars a year. I had a life. I’d been with my girl 18 years. Then she let me go. In court I cussed out the judge; I said I was gonna kill him. So they charged me with contempt in court and I was in jail for a month. When I got out I couldn’t go home cause she’d filed a restraining order. So what did I do? I just started drink’n all the time and doing drugs and fuck’n hoes. Man, she was my lady. I was with her 18 years. I miss her so goddamn much…You see, it’s like, I do things backward. I must be give’n God such a headache. I know the right thing to do, but I can’t do it. I fuck up over and over again. He must say, Eddie, why do you keep fuck’n up? Why would you get some money and walk right past McDonald's to buy booze, even though you know you’re hungry? Why would you do that? But I do that shit all the time. I get so drunk I black out just so I can sleep on the train at night. Man, who wants to live like this? Sorry, now I’m crying. See that’s what happens when I get sober…You know, I got six babies by six different women, but none of them wanna see me. They come around my momma’s place, but I don’t see them. They hate me. I’m almost fifty years old, but I ain’t even got my own crib. I smell like shit. I haven’t showered in two weeks. You know my sister, she’s the one who drove me to rehab. I’m gonna call her. But if I tell her how they put me out cause I don’t have insurance, she’ll just say I’m lying. She’ll say I just left cause I wanted to. How is that? I’m finally trying to get my shit together. I go to rehab and after two weeks they say, ‘You’re okay. You got to go back out on the street cause you ain’t got no insurance.’ Why? Why would God let that happen? How could they expect a man 30 years drunk to be sober after 14 days?”
Eddie passed the afternoon watching Jurassic Park II in our living room while Jack and I did homework and some other things around the house. That evening we did a lot more listening to him; when our other roommates and friends arrived we all ate pizza together. We cried with Eddie and prayed for him. Lord, reveal the truth of your forgiveness to a man unable to forgive his own self. His sin is etched deep into his core; now show him the hope of the new covenant. Jesus, whisper the secrets of your kingdom into his ear and heal him.
In the morning Jack took Eddie to a mission where he’ll have to check himself in clean every night for a month. If he makes it, he’ll enter their rehab program. Pray with us that God will guard our friend from evil and give him strength over the next month. We are grateful for Eddie, because through him the Lord has deepened our spiritual hunger. I hope the story blesses you in the same way and makes you consider who you welcome through your doors.
Jake.
ReplyDeleteHere is the inaugural post, the first, hopefully, of many responses to your writing. thanks for including me in your short list of confidants.
I've thought and prayed for eddie since you told me the story over the phone. Its a strange thing to pray for someone you don't know, but its also liberating; He is a man outside my own purview, my own personal interests, but connected to what God is doing. I am bordering always on the edge of narcissism. its inevitable with how much time I spend trying to improve my own mind, to try to look with my own eyes thoughtfully out into the world around me. But, monolouge can only capture so much, and I am always thankful when I can connect myself to a Kingdom outside my own personal interests. (The SOUND AND THE FURY by Faulkner is especially instructive in this sense, but I digress).
I am reading a book called INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison (not to be confused with The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells). Its about a man who realizes that he is socially invisible, because of race, partly, but also because of a number of other factors. What is interesting about the book is how it lampoons social help, not because of its aim, but because it tries to integrate (I use this loaded term carefully) people into our systems, our society, our needs. How it turns people into instruments, eschewing their individuality. This is not an attack on rehab-centers, but an encouragement. Perhaps, looking back, that small conversation where he was able to tell HIS story will be the most important turning point. One of the main themes of the book is how much people try to help and how little they try to listen. I pray you will continue to listen and learn about eddie, and know that such work-in-listening is no small task, no small token of God's love.
yeah, jake, hearing about your friend has helped me, especially in my prayer life. and knowing how you and jack have responded to him and how you care for him is inspiring to me. i hope that when God puts people in my path like that i will be open to loving & serving them in the same way you guys have.
ReplyDeletejacobo!!
ReplyDeletei'm so excited i get to read your writings. thanks for sharing about eddie. i'm always encouraged and challenged by how you live a life of consistency and grace.
p.s. i also enjoy how your friend ben is your #1 fan :o)